Why You Should Hire Your Own Funeral Officiants

       These days, it is more common to find families that are not involved with a church, or families flying into an unfamiliar town to make funeral arrangements. As a result, they often rely on the funeral director to recommend and help finding a minister for a funeral, vocalist, pianist or organist and even catering in some cases. I can recall one minister, whose credentials I had my doubts about, was earning over $100,000 per year serving as an on-call minister for a funeral home. Likewise, I know my share of musicians in the same situations.

       As the times have changed, however, I have become aware of a problem ultimately affecting families. Corporate funeral homes provide commissions to their funeral directors. It is a way for funeral directors to earn more money, without necessarily waiting on raises from their company. Of course, I am sure you can see the benefit to the corporation, right? You want to earn more money? Well, sell more.

       Commissions are based on the bottom line of the contract and average contract sales volume. They keep tabs on your individual averages per funeral. If you can increase your average sales, you can greatly increase your commissions. Naturally, casket and vault sales make a difference, especially if you are skilled at convincing consumers to purchase an all-inclusive package. However, in between package sales, how can you raise your average?

       One trick often used is with those convenience needs, such as securing a minister, musician, or catering for a family in need. Here's how it works. You need a vocalist, right? The funeral director has the perfect one in mind for you and her charges are $250.00. She has a wonderful pianist who can join in for another $250.00. I can also add a minister. Families love him and typically pay him a stipend of $500. Let me go ahead and arrange catering for you for $1200.00. You make out the check and all the services are taken care of.

       The funeral home pays the musician $150.00. The same goes for the pianist. The minister's funeral home check is $250.00. The payment to the catering company, $750.00, will be added to their quarterly payment system. The service providers are happy for receiving their expected payment, the funeral director raised his or her contract total, which raises the commission.

       When a death occurs, it can seem like a tremendous convenience to allow the funeral director to arrange everything. However, just be sure you are not over-paying for the convenience.

The Embalming Room : No Laughing Matter Part I

          I remember my first job at a funeral home. It was a student position, as I was also attending mortuary college. It was one of the city's older funeral homes and part of a group that was once family-owned. By the time I went to work at the funeral home, it had been purchased by a corporation. However, given the small staff, it still had that "family feel" to it.

          As a student, my job consisted of a number of duties that varied each day. There were always death certificates to type, flowers to set-up in the visitation rooms or deliver to churchs or grave sites, phones to answer, folders to make and bodies to help dress and place in their casket. On the embalming room door, there was a sign left over from the days of family ownership. It read, "Behind these doors rests the most important responsibility we have. Someone has entrusted us with the care of their loved one."

          Many years later, I returned to that funeral home. There was a new owner, as the smaller corporation had been taken over by a much larger one. The much larger one was, by this time, my new employer. Upon entering the back hallways, I noticed that sign. It had survived the transition and caused me to stop for a moment and reflect. It was in that moment of reflection where I realized what a powerful impact the sign had made during my career. It was the constant reminder of taking care of somebody's mother, father, wife, husband, daughter, son, grandmother or other.

          It was the words of that sign that brought a sickening over me the day I visited one embalming center. The corporation I now worked for had developed what they called central care centers. This refers to one building, a centralized embalming facility, containing a very large room designed with tables where all aspects of the embalming process are performed. Most families are not aware of this whenever they make arrangements at certain funeral homes. They are still under the impression that their loved one is actually at the funeral home.

          I had made arrangements with a family for a gentleman who weighed 550 lbs. Because of his size, the manager of the care center suggested that I deliver the clothes to him and his staff would dress the man. The facility is equipped with specialized equipment and lifts to help in these cases. I decided to hand-deliver the clothing and stay during the dressing in case extra help was needed. What I witnessed next was appalling. The care center staff rolled the gentleman into a dressing area and he had been uncovered, meaning he had been stored completely naked on a table. The staff was laughing and making jokes the entire time they were dressing him, including the manager. As a non-manager myself, there was little that I could do except feel badly for the deceased.

          It has been many years since that incident and not a day goes by that I don't remember. It makes me worry about anyone I cherish being taken to a funeral home.